Ebony Rising

[ebonyroze]

Hello everyone. I hope that I find all of you in well spirits and light hearts. I come to you with a mixture of light feelings and a heavy heart myself. I am a woman who has been broken many times..matter of fact I probably have been broken maybe 7 or 9 times just today. Just kidding..but really after all the the things that have seemed to have broken me I always manage to become remade and ready to move on. I have been told in my mind by myself that I am one who has much love to offer but does not know how to receive love possibly. I think of myself as a great lover with a lot to give. But I find it hard to trust other people. I feel I just haven't been able to express it with myself and others fully due to complications within all of my relationships excluding my children. I find myself wondering why if I feel I have so much love to offer why is it that it seems I have no idea what I am doing. I was involved in a relationship that took most of my focus most of my adult life. It was a tumultuous relationship that I learned a lot from but left me pretty damaged and scarred. I have a resilient nature but a lot of times I "but" myself whenever I want to really take initiative and make changes that would put me on display. I have a fear to be seen, but I want to be heard. So it seems I fight myself a lot. Ultimately I am a very sensitive, empathetic person I tend to pick up on a lot and somethings I wish that I wouldn't. I have come to think maybe these traits are things god given and may be of great use to me on my road to help myself and others. I am here to learn more about myself and about others. I am here to learn how to become more open and willing to allow people to get to know me and what I have to say. 

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[sonjauk]

Hi EbonyRoze,

Welcome! You have shared a lot in your introduction to yourself. It sounds like you are a giver: you are empathetic, nurturing and try to fix things for people. Don't forget charity begins at home! A wounded healer is no good. This is a good space for you to re-evaluate your relationship with yourself and how you are going to give EbonyRoze the love that you give to others so freely.

All the best Xx

[Yejide]

" I come to you with a mixture of light feelings and a heavy heart myself. I am a woman who has been broken many times..matter of fact I probably have been broken maybe 7 or 9 times just today. Just kidding..but really after all the the things that have seemed to have broken me I always manage to become remade and ready to move on. "


I feel that, hard! But are you sure that you have been broken? As humans, we are here to experience the fullness of emotions- love, joy, grief, sorrow- all of them. But broken is a story that we often put around an emotion that we do not wish to experience. As long as we resist experiencing the fullness of the emption and the gifts that it brings, we are also reinforcing the stories that we are telling ourselves. What might be lying behind the guarded door of brokenness?


"I have been told in my mind by myself that I am one who has much love to offer but does not know how to receive love possibly. I think of myself as a great lover with a lot to give. But I find it hard to trust other people."

It is never about trusting other people. It is about loving yourself enough to honor your intuition (you know, ultimately, what is for you and what is not.) as well as the jewels that you have been given to share with the world.

"I feel I just haven't been able to express it with myself and others fully due to complications within all of my relationships excluding my children. I find myself wondering why if I feel I have so much love to offer why is it that it seems I have no idea what I am doing. "


There are two things happening here. First thing is, every moment is new to is. When we are in the process of revealing what we have not yet revealed in this lifetime, it is a step into the unknown. But the other part of it is, the divinity that lies within you knows exactly what it is doing. The question again comes back to trust. Will you trust your own inner knowings, your own orgasmic core, or will you rest in the uncomfortable yet familiar noose of judgement?

"I was involved in a relationship that took most of my focus most of my adult life. It was a tumultuous relationship that I learned a lot from but left me pretty damaged and scarred. I have a resilient nature but a lot of times I "but" myself whenever I want to really take initiative and make changes that would put me on display. I have a fear to be seen, but I want to be heard. So it seems I fight myself a lot. "

Why fight? Take your fear of being seen along for the ride. You can be scared and magnificent. As Audre lorde says "when I use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid". Most folks are afraid. Hell, I'm slightly nervous typing this response. But ultimately, you know what you need and what you desire. Courage comes in the experience of following that desire, not in finally rationalizing yourself out of your fears.

"Ultimately I am a very sensitive, empathetic person I tend to pick up on a lot and somethings I wish that I wouldn't. I have come to think maybe these traits are things god given and may be of great use to me on my road to help myself and others. I am here to learn more about myself and about others. I am here to learn how to become more open and willing to allow people to get to know me and what I have to say. "

Thank you for sharing so fully, beautifully and courageously! I look forward to getting to know you as you deepen further into your truth.

[Yejide]

"A wounded healer is no good. "

Aaah... Healers are healers are healers. Your gift doesn't have any qualifications as to how put together you are. How you choose to show up in the world is a matter of self-acceptance. Self-acceptance includes the shadows and the "ugly" and the "wounds". All of these things can be wrapped in love. None of those things precludes a healer from being a healer. Healers are all always on a path of at-one-ment, which is ultimately healing the perception of your relationship to divine.