Post by sonjauk on Dec 26, 2015 10:02:15 GMT -8
It was a real pleasure listening to this circle. As the sister gave the opening prayer I found myself adding to it and giving thanks for my own circle of sisters who have been with me spiritually and physically throughout the year and who have through their kindness and generosity added to my concept of how much I should value and demonstrably care for myself.
So when we speak of Outrageous Indulgence I feel that we are making a distinction and speaking of that which is fortifying, as opposed to that which is addicting or draining.
My personal expression of that has been through attending to my natural tendencies towards Design, desire, creativity, beauty, sensuality, the things that I had previously thought to be frivolous and to be contained. Now making my home and environment beautiful is expressed as a priority.
What have you been putting off, doing or having? A life! Slowly changing that, hence the expression carving a space. I had been on delayed gratification for so long, prioritising things that were 'more important' that I had and have forgotten what it is to live fully; hence I do consider that I am still in the process of finding what my life should be and what living in fullness is for me now, rather than trying to retrieve an old style which is fit for an old person that is no longer me.
When Diva Saafiya expressed her ambivalence about seeing to her own needs I thought "don't be scared of your voice, allow the deeper part/ desire to come forth and not feel guilty." Which is easy to say but can be hard practically as most of us, as women especially, have been programmed to consider our desires as something suspect often to be replaced by something 'sensible' or the needs of others. So I started to think about the potential power that can be unleashed when we are able to 'Let her out the box' and enjoy the journey towards 'being full of your true self' and not our conditioned self.
'Serve others from your overflow' taps into my ambivalence about service and need for personal protection. Up until very recently I routinely gave what I didn't have without a moments thought. So when I would read about being of service I would bristle up, I felt very strongly that I'd lived that life and I certainly had no intention of returning to it. However, the reality is that I was strangling and starving myself to entertain the needs (or perceived needs of others - one mustn't be selfish) not over standing that what I thought was my duty as a good person was really and advanced form of self-neglect. So now I do get it - take care of yourself and then you'll be in a position from which you can help others, take care of your basic needs and share from your excess.
Drill sergeant is someone I am quite familiar with and can relate to as it is common for me to forget to approach things in a joyful manner. Instead I try to impose a regimented, time-directed approach to my day. It must be done within the hour, it must be done by 3pm. Why? Because! Because you must do things in a structured and time efficient way! So some days I give time the finger and prioritise my feelings: I feel my way through the day, get up when I feel like it and attend to my chores as I feel to do them instead of at a specific time. 'Create the time as we choose it'
Diva Dianne - lol!
When we attach our self-worth to money and use it as part of our value system (Am I worthy of investing in myself? No, because I'm not in the right job etc) we must remember that money is just a facilitator. It helps us get from a A to B, it enables us to experience the things that we want, but it is not the destination or experience itself. So I think it's important that we deprive money of its perceived power to decide our worthiness of the things we want in our lives.
'Embracing the real needs in our wanting, our hesitation' - find the power in moments of inaction and learn to look for root causes.
'Outrageous Indulgence is giving yourself what you really want, not what you think you should have.' Considering the question of outrageous indulgence, what it is and how I can make it show up in my life, reminded me of something that I had long forgotten. Earlier in the year I had admonished myself to always choose the sexy option; instead of safe, sensible and compromised, I should choose the thing that is beautiful and what I truly desire. 'Allow that feminine part of you to be indulged. ' I see myself as being in a 3-part process of deconstructing, experiencing and re-establishing. Deconstructing the old conditioned self, experiencing and finding my true voice, expression and gift, and from that position re-establishing a life that is in harmony with my authentic self and desires.
"Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain one once he grows up" - Pablo Picasso. I don't remember the artist that I was, but I do recall that I was instructed from a young age to 'grow up' and focus on the linear, academic and masculine. Therefore, my journey now is to find the aspects of my self lost in growing-up and allow them to blossom.