I felt so bad after our meeting last night. I really didn't want to leave anyone with the impression that I wasn't grateful for the support and love given to me the entire 10 moons program and I'm saying it again. I truly appreciate the love freely given by everyone--this is something that has been missing in my life in 'community magick'. I always ended up leaving the group or feeling like I was not welcome--so I guess I set it up so you may end up feeling that way towards my presence anyway. I just don't feel like I've made a great deal of progress over this 10 months. That Diva Mama Nut has been pouring healing balm down a bottomless pit with me and I just haven't been able to get it. Nonetheless, I was at the grocery store and saw some beautiful yellow flowers (don't know the name of them) They sort of look like lilies and have a wonderful smell. I bought them in honor of the Circle (all of us), Het Heru, and Oshun. They are a reminder that beauty exists no matter what and I need that right now. Liaya
I always ended up leaving the group or feeling like I was not welcome--so I guess I set it up so you may end up feeling that way towards my presence anyway.
Interesting how you would make that up. Oh the stories we tell ourselves!
We've all been there. We've all had our poo poo moments.
I know I've walked away thinking I hogged all the time, only to find out later that everyone received something of value from it, and was completely open to being there through my healing.
I know I don't get the impression that you aren't grateful. And I think you are very hard on yourself.
For myself, when I put expectations on things, I end up not seeing all the other things I received.
I have yet to walk away from one of Nut's programs with exactly what I think I was going to get. And that's okay. Because what I got was perfect.
Oh...and I had a thought today. So I'll share it with you and you can see if it fits. And DM Nut and MD Carla, I'd love your thoughts on this thought too.
I seem to remember you thinking you should be farther along the path than you are...that you should have been "here" by now.
I remember my Mom (who is almost 58) commenting on how she was happy that I moved onto my path quicker than she did.
And I'm noticing that there are a lot of people younger than me moving on to the path quicker than I did.
Is it possible that we are all moving with the energy of the "one-ness", and the fact that we are on the path now (My mom at 58, me at almost 40, and the younger people in their 20's, etc.) is divinely perfect?
I hope that is clear. I'm having a difficult time putting this sense into words.