There's a section in there that speaks about the energetic dances we do with people.
Most people don't know they can get their energy from source, so they trigger people to get their energy from them.
The book speaks of this, and also of how we trigger each other. The Silence Treatment triggers the other to speak and speak and speak. That's how the Silent one receives his energy. That's an example.
For me it was a good book, and I received a lot of insight from it.
If you're familiar with Astrology, Mercury is in retrograde. There are other Diva's that can speak more on this. I only know bits and bites. From my understanding, when Mercury is in Retrograde, it's the opportunity to re-evaluate various forms of communication. Things often come up for us to decide if this is working for us or not. From that we get to decide what to release and what to claim.
From here it seems like there's been some clear examples of how your husband communicates.
If you don't dance (see The Celestine Prophecy), you are no longer his source of energy. If you're not giving away your energy, you are not drained and can move through experiences with more strength.
Just some thoughts. You're right. Lots of drama.
My Aunt told me this once. "People fling garbage all the time. It's up to you if you pick it up or not."
Velma and Jane, Divas, thank you. I have not read the Celestine Prophecy but it is here in the house. Have been tempted a few times to view the movie on Netflix. Lately I've been looking at The Presence Process and some readings about Ho' Oponopono ... and even now I still have to write and then delete paragraphs that start 'and he ....' he is unstable and it's frightening and he's angry with me and he doesn't recognize this behavior toward me is also toward my son.
and it's been days being afraid to leave the house, and then days determining and setting and taking a course of action, and days of sick to my stomach ... so we've got a structured temporary no contact arrangement, so here am I trying to think what do *** I *** want and desire and need and will ... what can I do? how can I earn money? how can I care for my son AND make money? how can I do that here at home? how can I keep this place, that is to say: assume financial responsibility for it? why would I want to put my son through a relocation of any sort, unless it absolutely is an improvement in placement? where in the world could I go, that WOULD be an improvement? I can't run away, I need to have a REASON to select any other place over this or over another place ... what is drawing me - what will draw me forward? very different from running away from something
what are my strengths and where can I best use them? who knows and welcomes me and my son? how can I serve in a way that also makes an income for me to care for my son? how can I arrange this fairly immediately? seamlessly, with least upset for my son?
how can I SIT in Silence ... until the right action and the right words arise? the joke: grant me patience RIGHT NOW
what are the answers? what's the point? any of my passions have succumbed to apathy and indifference ... because my results haven't made any difference! how can I make a difference? how can I matter? how can I 'make my own way' and it's ridiculous: I cannot. Make my own way. No one ever really does. I need others. And I wanted to be useful / needed. I want to be needed.
so a task: identify areas where Just what I am, who I am, is needed. And be there.
Diva Carla! I read that this morning and found it very apt! Thank you Diva Deb!
and yes I have been fucking enraged. generally. but not fully expressed. just simmering. like when I shouted and tossed the down comforter onto the floor! ooooooohhh scary. but I was shouting.
and I have smashed and cut and burned. and bitched. a long cold scathing commentary. hurt and afraid. underneath. not trusting.
so I'm already approaching a mind set where some of this is too ridiculously melodramatic. comic even. except for the tragic and traumatic and attacking word/thoughts that echo ... I got hooked and I got reeled and I got played and I fought back ... and I'm trying to step off that cycle I'm thinking it's sad to reach the point of not caring about the man but if that's the eye of the needle then maybe on the other side ...
I mean I am passionate! silly laughing fully engaged ... when I am able to be of service even, occasionally and want to increase that aspect of my life
but it's like I'm asking permission ... to do what? where? how? wow. but it's so much easier when an urge arises and action occurs spontaneously I have too much thinking going on so I keep saying: silence. just do something.
anyway, last few nights of actual sleep that allows dreams dreaming and calm through the day not waiting for the phone not wondering if/when/will he come home resting being with my son noticing others around me, caring considering options for the next step, the next step sitting still sitting the action will arise I know it has in the past and when the right impulse to action arises then the action also arises spontaneously and the deed is done miraculously easy done
Post by nejahlovediva on Jan 18, 2010 13:24:26 GMT -8
Izn't it wonderful to feel movement downstream, releasing alot of the obstructions and blockages and moment by moment surrendering to life instead of fighting against it. To rest in the unknowingness just az much az the knowingness. To allow your feelings to be their and not be bad. To know that hard times will pass and give way to something way more beautiful than you could have ever imagined. To make peace and forgive yourself even more than him. He just waz reflecting back alot of your unhealed, unresolved wounds back to yourself. He has no power, never really did, the power always rested with you. Do you have a spiritual practice? Prayer, meditation, affirmations, painting, journal writing, gardening, dancing, chanting, singing whatever grounds you to the truth of your beingness. Their iz much to do, but no amount of doingness can give you peace of mind, it iz your beingness that carries the real juice.
I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings
The free bird leaps on the back of the wind and floats downstream till the current ends and dips his wings in the orange sun rays and dares to claim the sky.
But a bird that stalks down his narrow cage can seldom see through his bars of rage his wings are clipped and his feet are tied so he opens his throat to sing.
The caged bird sings with fearful trill of the things unknown but longed for still and is tune is heard on the distant hillfor the caged bird sings of freedom
The free bird thinks of another breeze an the trade winds soft through the sighing trees and the fat worms waiting on a dawn-bright lawn and he names the sky his own.
But a caged bird stands on the grave of dreams his shadow shouts on a nightmare scream his wings are clipped and his feet are tied so he opens his throat to sing
The caged bird sings with a fearful trill of things unknown but longed for still and his tune is heard on the distant hill for the caged bird sings of freedom.
meditation? belief system? um. yes, but I forget! but also so much doingness! sometimes that works ... but when it doesn't, it's because of fear/reaction/ and such. doing that arises out of being is apt and timely and generally succeeds ... and what HAVE i been doing? fearing. doubting. suffering. and seeing it's so simple: choose joy. choose joy.
but I still have to choose and do! work? where? relocate? to where? son in school? again where? how can I stay put! here at home with the plans in place for the last 4-7 years. how can I call together the people who will make it work as a cooperative venture now and into the future?
Karen, one place to begin is to be with people. Pick and choose the people and places to be with right now, but cease isolation. Receive other's perspectives on life in general, and the big picture of the life questions you are posing now.
well. thank you Deb and Carla for teasing this out some more with me .... big picture. I cannot fill in a substitute for the plan of these last 4-7 years, so the question remains HOW. and now, to worry if my belief system is worthy? wow. um. I'm gonna hafta say I hope so! gosh. but it's tough: I believe in the love my husband and I have shared. I believe in the capacity he has for humanity, growth, love. and he has some real issues, some real behaviors, some real problems ... that cause me pain and suffering. so. it's up to me to be free of the pain and suffering, because my feelings and thoughts are my own. and my behaviors. and some of my own thoughts and words and behaviors have caused pain and suffering, my own and that of other people.
having peace and clarity around this ... still does not answer the how, the money, the what will I do, what will he do? so I guess there still is no clarity, beyond love and forgiveness and cooperation as the only useful aim and end
Post by Diva Mentor Deb on Jan 25, 2010 8:58:40 GMT -8
I've found a belief system that doesn't just tell me but demonstrates to me that I'm going to be fine no matter what happens.
If I do the work of getting focused on what serves me and what makes my heart sing, I don't need to fill in the hows or whens or whos. Which is a pretty darn good arrangement, since those details are completely out of my control anyway.
Unless I do my work, perseverating on those pesky details makes up the better part of my day, without getting me any closer to living what makes my heart sing.
Take out the specific hows and whens and whos--what makes your heart sing?
there you are again Deb! I like the fuller sharing and see your point. what serves me and makes my heart sing? the trick: to answer that for myself! not because I resent my husband discussing such things with another woman! not because I want him to discuss such things with EVEN ME
watched Sita Sings the Blues last Sunday. the discussion group afterward included several people who were puzzled by the ending. for me the ending was about Sita! instead of franticly desperately trying to prove to Rama that she loved him she finally gave up trying to prove to HIM and simply declared her truth for herself, that she loved/loves only him and in so doing: not to be taken up into the womb again as in a regression BUT to be GROUNDED in the earth womb source and thus returned to her own source as goddess